Exciting news! I went to sleep last night without the help of pills!
Now, for the rest of you this news may not be very exciting, but if you were me, and had not be able to sleep for the last year without pain medication or Ambien, you would be very excited... You might even write it in your blog. I have be doing more intensive physical therapy for the last month or so, and every time I go, I feel a little bit stronger. The end is near, and I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
And now the real reason for this post. I think that as a media connected generation we have been lulled into a false sense of security. We have been led to believe that the world is at our fingertips. Joy, Excitement, and happiness are a mouse click away. Life is one big adventure, all we have to do is live it! I've been watching a lot of netflix lately... Okay, I'll be honest... I've watching GLEE... don't judge me. This may be a bad example, but the message portrayed on Glee is that you can do anything you want, your dreams aren't going to wait, so you have to get out there and do them now. While that is a nice sentiment...it makes me feel bad about myself, and makes me wonder what I'm doing living at home with my parents when I can be on a street corner singing show tunes, or in New York starring in my own one woman show "Look out world, She's coming!"... It's a working title.
The fact is, I think that I know what I want to do with my life, but my plan isn't moving along as fast as I would have hoped. If I had it my way, I would be almost done with my first year of grad school in a profession, I'm not sure I want to do. If we go back to the plan "high school me" had for my life, I would be married with a couple of kids by now...She was a nice kid, but a little naive :)
In reality: I'm 27, I live with my Parents, I have a bachelors degree in Psychology, and I haven't done a thing with it, and I'm no closer to being married than I was just after high school.
But here's the kicker... For the most part, for now, I am happy. I had some things that I needed to deal with. My shoulder pain, my depression, and my crippling fear of the unknown that is my future; and there is no way that I would have been able to do that if I was in grad school, or in a place where I wasn't so close to my supportive family. I do miss being around my friends and closer to people my own age, but sometimes... you just need your mommy.
The thing that Glee, and "high school me" failed to see, is that sometimes, you need to slow it down. I would not trade the last 9 months for anything in the world. I have been able to see my niece go from an infant to a sassy, rampaging toddler. The relationship I have with my mom now is stronger than it has ever been. We can sit and gab like old pals, and before it was just a quick convo about the important stuff.
I will move on, I will go to grad school(I think I even know now what I want to be when I grow up) I will have adventures, be around people my own age, I will even get married and have children, and my high school self will be giddy with schoolgirl joy. but for now, I will be grateful for this short time I have to be with my family, and the strength they give me to live life. That will be the strength I use to face the world, however far I travel. Life will go fast, and adventures will fade... But I will always have this time.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
I am the Panda...coo coo ca choo
Last week I started doing Zumba at my gym, for anyone who doesn't know what Zumba is, I will tell you; it's basically a mix between latin dancing and aerobics. It's a good work out, and I've had a lot of fun so far, but I have made a sad discovery... I am a panda bear.
If you know anything about Latin dancing you know that it is very sexy. You have to be comfortable with your body, and (heat) so to speak, that you put off with your sexy dancing. In Zumba there is a lot of hip shaking, booty bouncing, and chest flaunting going on. To make matters worse, there is a mirror that I can see myself in while dancing, so I can see exactly how un-sexy I am.
B.J. Novak talks about Pandas being an endangered species, not because of anything humans are doing, because let's face it...Pandas are freaking adorable, there is even a lab in China that cooks up little Pandas in petri dishes, but I digress... The reason Pandas are going extinct is because they won't mate with each other. apparently they don't see their own species as attractive, and I have never heard of a panda mating dance, so lets face it, if they don't have their looks to get them by, they're kind of screwed.
For this reason, I am a Panda. People think that I am adorable, and cute, and oh so cuddly, all true things, but let's face it, nobody wants their potential spouse just because of their cute, cuddly exterior. In any relationship there has to be a certain degree of heat, and sexuality, and if Zumba is any indication...I am bound to roam the earth alone, like my friend the Panda bear.
If you know anything about Latin dancing you know that it is very sexy. You have to be comfortable with your body, and (heat) so to speak, that you put off with your sexy dancing. In Zumba there is a lot of hip shaking, booty bouncing, and chest flaunting going on. To make matters worse, there is a mirror that I can see myself in while dancing, so I can see exactly how un-sexy I am.
B.J. Novak talks about Pandas being an endangered species, not because of anything humans are doing, because let's face it...Pandas are freaking adorable, there is even a lab in China that cooks up little Pandas in petri dishes, but I digress... The reason Pandas are going extinct is because they won't mate with each other. apparently they don't see their own species as attractive, and I have never heard of a panda mating dance, so lets face it, if they don't have their looks to get them by, they're kind of screwed.
For this reason, I am a Panda. People think that I am adorable, and cute, and oh so cuddly, all true things, but let's face it, nobody wants their potential spouse just because of their cute, cuddly exterior. In any relationship there has to be a certain degree of heat, and sexuality, and if Zumba is any indication...I am bound to roam the earth alone, like my friend the Panda bear.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
badges of honor
You know how sometimes when you learn a new word, you start hearing that word everywhere, or one of your friends gets a new car, and suddenly you see that car everywhere? Since I wrote my last post I have had the subject matter come up quite frequently in the past few days.. Partly because I asked my friends for their opinion. I wasn't sure if what I had written made any sense, So I needed to ask people who were smarter than me to validate my thoughts. I also have this weird quirk of not reading what I have written right after I have finished. It takes me a couple of days to go back and read over it, then I see all the spelling errors I made. At any rate I have had a couple to think over and process what I wrote in my last post, so if it is okay with you I would like to revisit the subject matter...and even if it's not okay with you, it's my blog and I'll do what I want.
SIDE NOTE: Part of what I have learned in the last few days, I will draw parallels with my religious beliefs I'm not trying to offend anyone, or shove my religion down the throat of my reader, I am simply writing what I know and what I come across in my cultural experience. Please feel free to ask questions or stop reading if you are offended.
In my last post I wrote: "All of us, at some point in our lives are going to have something traumatic happen to us that wasn't apart of our plan that changes us in ways we didn't think possible. We will be left with scars, some physical, some mental. Because of this event, a part of us will die, or be chipped away. in it's place will be a guarded heart, a more sober mind, or a more cautious person all around. We will look at the world differently, and maybe even have a harder time coping with everyday life. We will go through the five stages of grief for that part of ourselves we lost, and eventually we'll accept that that part of us is gone. and even though its replacement isn't the same, either way it's part of us, and maybe it was part of some plan for it to be there all along. I guess what I'm trying to say is this. We are not going to make it through this life unscathed. we are going to be bruised and scarred, and beaten down. but maybe the person we started out in this world as, is not the person we are meant to be when we leave. no matter how painful these bruises are, or how ugly the scars might look, they become a part of who we've become, and they not only show that we were thrown around, but they show that we didn't give up. we came through with a callused, harder shell that helped us survive".
I still hold to the belief that we are all going to face traumatic events at some point in our life, that will leave us with a memento either physically or mentally. I also hold to the belief that we are not meant to be the same people when we leave this life as we were when we came into this life. If so, what was the point of coming to the earth in the first place. if we learn nothing, while we are alive, we lose out on the vast opportunities we are given to learn and progress while we are here.
With that being said, I think that the way we deal with problems is up to us it is not necessarily our choice when bad things happen but it is our choice of how we deal with them.
Story time: Almost two years ago in March I was in a swimming accident. I got caught in a riptide and I was being carried away from the shore, and my friends that were trying to help me. I was being slammed by waves, and I couldn't catch my breath because the waves just kept coming, and the exact moment that I was ready to give up, a lifeguard handed me a preserver and swam with me holding on to the preserver for dear life, safely to shore. When he handed me the preserver, the rope got wrapped around my arm, and gave me some nasty rope burn. Each time I looked at that rope burn, it was a reminder to me that life is fleeting and I needed to be more careful. day after day the rope burn faded and I began to panic. How was I going to keep myself in check without my rope burn reminder?
We all have scars. some we look at and remember a misadventure as a child, others we look at and remember a rogue tin can. I was so scared for my rope burn to fade because I wanted it to serve as a symbol for my life. All I would have to do is look at this scar, and I would remember to be careful, to always think of the important people in my life before I did something dangerous. The rope burn faded and I was left with mental reminders of the accident. Most of them were negative, and I let them eat away at me at make me bitter. I am still reminded of this traumatic event, but instead of letting the negative reminders remain, I am hoping that it will eventually serve as a reminder that life is precious, and that sometimes things weren't in our plan happen.
We all face adversity, and our left with marks. But we are the ones that choose how these marks will affect us. Will they serve as an ugly reminder that we did something terrible? Will we lock ourselves away from the world because we are too ugly to be seen? or will we let it be seen as a badge of honor? a sign that we faced adversity, and conquered.
I have thought about Jesus Christ the last few days, and the scars that he bears. He has scars on his hands, wrist, feet, and in his side where he was pierced with a spear. These scars remain, so that his children will know that he died so that we could live. When he returned to his apostles after his Resurrection he told to look at his hands and feet and to thrust their hand in his side so they would know it was him. I am grateful for those scars and that even though he had a perfected body, those scars were left as a symbol of his eternal love for his children.
I have a scar on my thigh of where a girl cleated me during a rugby game. I love that scar and I show it to anyone who is around when I have shorts on...I'm really proud of it.
In this life it is inevitable that we will face pain, tragedy, and bitterness; on the other hand we will also know pleasure, moments of pure joy, and we will taste sweet things. Let us not be afraid to live because of the trials we will face, but let us remember that our trials will make us stronger. let us wear our scars with pride, and be a symbol to others that we chose to fight. Remember that to get to the light at the end of the tunnel, we must first face a little darkness.
Be well and stay classy my friends.
SIDE NOTE: Part of what I have learned in the last few days, I will draw parallels with my religious beliefs I'm not trying to offend anyone, or shove my religion down the throat of my reader, I am simply writing what I know and what I come across in my cultural experience. Please feel free to ask questions or stop reading if you are offended.
In my last post I wrote: "All of us, at some point in our lives are going to have something traumatic happen to us that wasn't apart of our plan that changes us in ways we didn't think possible. We will be left with scars, some physical, some mental. Because of this event, a part of us will die, or be chipped away. in it's place will be a guarded heart, a more sober mind, or a more cautious person all around. We will look at the world differently, and maybe even have a harder time coping with everyday life. We will go through the five stages of grief for that part of ourselves we lost, and eventually we'll accept that that part of us is gone. and even though its replacement isn't the same, either way it's part of us, and maybe it was part of some plan for it to be there all along. I guess what I'm trying to say is this. We are not going to make it through this life unscathed. we are going to be bruised and scarred, and beaten down. but maybe the person we started out in this world as, is not the person we are meant to be when we leave. no matter how painful these bruises are, or how ugly the scars might look, they become a part of who we've become, and they not only show that we were thrown around, but they show that we didn't give up. we came through with a callused, harder shell that helped us survive".
I still hold to the belief that we are all going to face traumatic events at some point in our life, that will leave us with a memento either physically or mentally. I also hold to the belief that we are not meant to be the same people when we leave this life as we were when we came into this life. If so, what was the point of coming to the earth in the first place. if we learn nothing, while we are alive, we lose out on the vast opportunities we are given to learn and progress while we are here.
With that being said, I think that the way we deal with problems is up to us it is not necessarily our choice when bad things happen but it is our choice of how we deal with them.
Story time: Almost two years ago in March I was in a swimming accident. I got caught in a riptide and I was being carried away from the shore, and my friends that were trying to help me. I was being slammed by waves, and I couldn't catch my breath because the waves just kept coming, and the exact moment that I was ready to give up, a lifeguard handed me a preserver and swam with me holding on to the preserver for dear life, safely to shore. When he handed me the preserver, the rope got wrapped around my arm, and gave me some nasty rope burn. Each time I looked at that rope burn, it was a reminder to me that life is fleeting and I needed to be more careful. day after day the rope burn faded and I began to panic. How was I going to keep myself in check without my rope burn reminder?
We all have scars. some we look at and remember a misadventure as a child, others we look at and remember a rogue tin can. I was so scared for my rope burn to fade because I wanted it to serve as a symbol for my life. All I would have to do is look at this scar, and I would remember to be careful, to always think of the important people in my life before I did something dangerous. The rope burn faded and I was left with mental reminders of the accident. Most of them were negative, and I let them eat away at me at make me bitter. I am still reminded of this traumatic event, but instead of letting the negative reminders remain, I am hoping that it will eventually serve as a reminder that life is precious, and that sometimes things weren't in our plan happen.
We all face adversity, and our left with marks. But we are the ones that choose how these marks will affect us. Will they serve as an ugly reminder that we did something terrible? Will we lock ourselves away from the world because we are too ugly to be seen? or will we let it be seen as a badge of honor? a sign that we faced adversity, and conquered.
I have thought about Jesus Christ the last few days, and the scars that he bears. He has scars on his hands, wrist, feet, and in his side where he was pierced with a spear. These scars remain, so that his children will know that he died so that we could live. When he returned to his apostles after his Resurrection he told to look at his hands and feet and to thrust their hand in his side so they would know it was him. I am grateful for those scars and that even though he had a perfected body, those scars were left as a symbol of his eternal love for his children.
I have a scar on my thigh of where a girl cleated me during a rugby game. I love that scar and I show it to anyone who is around when I have shorts on...I'm really proud of it.
In this life it is inevitable that we will face pain, tragedy, and bitterness; on the other hand we will also know pleasure, moments of pure joy, and we will taste sweet things. Let us not be afraid to live because of the trials we will face, but let us remember that our trials will make us stronger. let us wear our scars with pride, and be a symbol to others that we chose to fight. Remember that to get to the light at the end of the tunnel, we must first face a little darkness.
Be well and stay classy my friends.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
stop this train
I like to listen to music that makes me think about the lyrics I'm listening to. Sometimes I will stew over a particular song for days. The most recent victim caught in my bear trap of a brain, is a song by John Mayer. If you have never heard the album "Continuum" I highly recommend it. The whole album is great. The particular song I have been thinking about is called "Stop This Train". It's about the things in life that we can't control. I've provided the link here.
John Mayer uses a train as a metaphor for life. "stop this train, I want to get off and go home again, I can't take the speed it's moving in". Ever since I can remember I have been afraid of death. I remember vividly, having panic attacks as a child because I couldn't wrap my head around the thought of death. I now accept that death is a part of life, and now I just worry about life after death. In my religion we believe that there is life after death, we believe that we can be with our families for eternity. This thought is very comforting and extremely scary to me at the same time. I would love nothing more than to be with my family forever, but I not unlike most other humans, can not possibly wrap my head around the idea of forever. When I think about it I feel the panic attack coming until I direct my thoughts elsewhere...moving on.
I've thought a lot about my life; the things I've already accomplished, the things that have yet to happen. I haven't taken a lot of time to reflect on the last year, until now. I graduated from college, I left the place I lived for 3 years, friends, a job.I began to see the light at the end of a very very dark tunnel, that had been my life for the last year. I went back to a summer job I hadn't been to in 3 years, A place that I never thought I would return to; not because I didn't like it. On the contrary, I credit the Wyman Teen Leadership program for making me the person I am today. without all of the people I met, the lessons I learned, the tears and the laughs, I wouldn't be me. I thought that I had learned everything I needed to from that experience, but I was wrong. Through divine intervention I was able to return last summer. I had just given my two weeks at my other job, and a member of the supervisory staff had found another job, they were in a bind... I needed a job. It worked out perfectly. I met people that I'm so glad to have in my life, and had adventures in the hills of Tennessee I wouldn't trade for the world. The end of 2012 wasn't so hot, but I'm becoming optimistic about 2013.
I feel like there is something great I should be accomplishing. I'm currently looking into graduate schools to pursue my masters degree in social work... I think. My mind always seems to change. That's what feels right for now.
I know that at some point in my life I will do great things. Right now I can't see it, I spend a lot of time regretting the past, ruminating on the person I used to be. The past is gone, I cannot bring it back, the train has left the station and continued on it's track.
I know that if I let myself, I will find the thing I need to do, and I will let myself have the adventures I need to have. there are a couple things I am excited for in 2013
1- road trip to Missouri with one of the only people if not the only person who understands and laughs at 95% of my jokes
2-Returning to Wyman for a jam packed summer
3- getting a job (fingers crossed)
4- getting in shape, and feeling healthy
5- cutting my arm off, or finally finding out what's wrong...at this point I'm ready to take the first option
6- skinny dipping...or for me...chunky dunking
and many other things to come.
I know that I have gone off on many tangents, but I would like to leave you with a thought I have started to form....hopefully it will sound somewhat coherent.
All of us, at some point in our lives are going to have something traumatic happen to us that wasn't apart of our plan that changes us in ways we didn't think possible. We will be left with scars, some physical, some mental. Because of this event, a part of us will die, or be chipped away. in it's place will be a guarded heart, a more sober mind, or a more cautious person all around. We will look at the world differently, and maybe even have a harder time coping with everyday life. We will go through the five stages of grief for that part of ourselves we lost, and eventually we'll accept that that part of us is gone. and even though its replacement isn't the same, either way it's part of us, and maybe it was part of some plan for it to be there all along. I guess what I'm trying to say is this. We are not going to make it through this life unscathed. we are going to be bruised and scarred, and beaten down. but maybe the person we started out in this world as, is not the person we are meant to be when we leave. no matter how painful these bruises are, or how ugly the scars might look, they become a part of who we've become, and they not only show that we were thrown around, but they show that we didn't give up. we came through with a callused, harder shell that helped us survive.
I'm sorry if this was fractured, and didn't make a bit of sense. I just felt like it needed to be written.. if for no one elses benefit but my own
Stay classy
John Mayer uses a train as a metaphor for life. "stop this train, I want to get off and go home again, I can't take the speed it's moving in". Ever since I can remember I have been afraid of death. I remember vividly, having panic attacks as a child because I couldn't wrap my head around the thought of death. I now accept that death is a part of life, and now I just worry about life after death. In my religion we believe that there is life after death, we believe that we can be with our families for eternity. This thought is very comforting and extremely scary to me at the same time. I would love nothing more than to be with my family forever, but I not unlike most other humans, can not possibly wrap my head around the idea of forever. When I think about it I feel the panic attack coming until I direct my thoughts elsewhere...moving on.
I've thought a lot about my life; the things I've already accomplished, the things that have yet to happen. I haven't taken a lot of time to reflect on the last year, until now. I graduated from college, I left the place I lived for 3 years, friends, a job.I began to see the light at the end of a very very dark tunnel, that had been my life for the last year. I went back to a summer job I hadn't been to in 3 years, A place that I never thought I would return to; not because I didn't like it. On the contrary, I credit the Wyman Teen Leadership program for making me the person I am today. without all of the people I met, the lessons I learned, the tears and the laughs, I wouldn't be me. I thought that I had learned everything I needed to from that experience, but I was wrong. Through divine intervention I was able to return last summer. I had just given my two weeks at my other job, and a member of the supervisory staff had found another job, they were in a bind... I needed a job. It worked out perfectly. I met people that I'm so glad to have in my life, and had adventures in the hills of Tennessee I wouldn't trade for the world. The end of 2012 wasn't so hot, but I'm becoming optimistic about 2013.
I feel like there is something great I should be accomplishing. I'm currently looking into graduate schools to pursue my masters degree in social work... I think. My mind always seems to change. That's what feels right for now.
I know that at some point in my life I will do great things. Right now I can't see it, I spend a lot of time regretting the past, ruminating on the person I used to be. The past is gone, I cannot bring it back, the train has left the station and continued on it's track.
I know that if I let myself, I will find the thing I need to do, and I will let myself have the adventures I need to have. there are a couple things I am excited for in 2013
1- road trip to Missouri with one of the only people if not the only person who understands and laughs at 95% of my jokes
2-Returning to Wyman for a jam packed summer
3- getting a job (fingers crossed)
4- getting in shape, and feeling healthy
5- cutting my arm off, or finally finding out what's wrong...at this point I'm ready to take the first option
6- skinny dipping...or for me...chunky dunking
and many other things to come.
I know that I have gone off on many tangents, but I would like to leave you with a thought I have started to form....hopefully it will sound somewhat coherent.
All of us, at some point in our lives are going to have something traumatic happen to us that wasn't apart of our plan that changes us in ways we didn't think possible. We will be left with scars, some physical, some mental. Because of this event, a part of us will die, or be chipped away. in it's place will be a guarded heart, a more sober mind, or a more cautious person all around. We will look at the world differently, and maybe even have a harder time coping with everyday life. We will go through the five stages of grief for that part of ourselves we lost, and eventually we'll accept that that part of us is gone. and even though its replacement isn't the same, either way it's part of us, and maybe it was part of some plan for it to be there all along. I guess what I'm trying to say is this. We are not going to make it through this life unscathed. we are going to be bruised and scarred, and beaten down. but maybe the person we started out in this world as, is not the person we are meant to be when we leave. no matter how painful these bruises are, or how ugly the scars might look, they become a part of who we've become, and they not only show that we were thrown around, but they show that we didn't give up. we came through with a callused, harder shell that helped us survive.
I'm sorry if this was fractured, and didn't make a bit of sense. I just felt like it needed to be written.. if for no one elses benefit but my own
Stay classy
Sunday, December 23, 2012
VInnie the boo
Last year, was the worst year of my life. I was working 40 hours a week, I was in the last semester of my undergrad, and I was also in a horribly deep depression. Without delving to deep into my personal life, let me just tell you that I had never felt so hopeless, and lost in my whole life. I was trying different medications, but nothing was helping, and the side effects were just making everything worse.
I had heard that having a pet was helpful in the treatment of depression. There's not a whole lot of research out on the subject, but there have been studies that have shown, that people who own dogs live longer healthier lives.(don't quote me, I could be wrong.)
Everyday for a month I Looked at dogs on the internet. We weren't allowed to have pets where I lived, so I was basically just torturing myself. I started going to the disability resource center on campus because I didn't no where to go, but I knew that I needed help. I started meeting with a man named David. He told me about places I could go to on campus that offered counseling. He also told me about emotional support animals. an emotional support animal is not a service dog that you see from time to time with the little blue vests on. although there are service dogs that are trained to help those with chronic depression; they can find your keys, wake you up if you stay in bed too long...but I digress. An emotional support animal is just that. they are a companion, they are that light in the darkness that you other wise wouldn't have. It's in the name, they provide emotional support. They don't require any training, but they do have certain rights under the rehabilitation act. If you live in a place where animals are not allowed, the owner must make an exception for emotional support animals, if you can prove in a letter written by a physician or mental health counselor that this animal improves your quality of life, that could not be improved without this animal. I had found a glimmer of hope. I threw myself into doing research on emotional support animals and whether I would even qualify. In the meantime I was still torturing myself, looking at dogs, for sale or adoption. One day I came across an ad for a free dog; his name was Vincent, a 7 year old, salt and pepper schnauzer... I fell in love. I had found what I was looking for. I immediately contacted the owner and let her know that I was interested. She told me that Vincent had been abandoned by his previous owners, and that she had rescued him, but because she was moving to a place that didn't allow dogs, she had to get rid of him.
To make a long story short, a lot of things came into place, and I was allowed to adopt Vincent. He is my best friend. He barks A LOT, and sometimes jumps on me when I am sleeping, but I would not trade him for anything in the world. When I adopted Vincent I had something else to live for. I didn't just have myself to worry about anymore. I'm not going to tell you that I was cured and I was never depressed again, but I was so glad that I had another living being to focus on. whenever I got panic attacks, Vincent was there to let me pet him, or he would simply lay his head on my chest. He was the answer to my prayers. I don't know what would have happened had he not come into my life. Every day I am so grateful for him, and I can't imagine the thought of being without him. He brings me so much joy, and asks for nothing in return except that I pet him more.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Let us honor the victims
When I was a child I used to worry about a death. I would worry so much that I would have panic attacks and run to my mom crying, and asking her what I should do. Being the wise woman that my mom is, she would tell me that I shouldn't worry about things that I had no control over, and then she would tell me to watch a funny movie to get my mind off of whatever I was worrying about.
I have cried at least once a day since Friday. I have never been more saddened by an event than I have by the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting; and no amount of funny movies have been able to get my mind off of it. Even though this is one of those things that I have no control over, I can't help but think about the pain and anguish that the town of Newtown Connecticut is experiencing right now.
I think that when something like this happens, we examine our lives, at least I do. I think about how selfish I am, like how I've been thinking about how much I dislike Christmas, and how my life isn't going exactly how I planned, and how at this point in my life I thought that I would be married, maybe have 1 or 2 kiddos waddling around. there are 20 kids who were killed at the most innocent stage of their lives. they don't get to open their Christmas presents waiting under the tree. they don't get to learn how to drive a car, experience high school or college, or have a family of their own. There are 6 women, who left children, husbands, parents, and friends. they were in the career they loved, and they risked their lives, so that their students would have the opportunity to live and experience the things they already had.
The only thing I'm worrying about right now is how I can make sure that the deaths of these 26 people won't be in vain. What can I do to be a better person and make a contribution in the world. I'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I'm not worried, about the things that seem so small and insignificant right now.
I take comfort in the fact that I know that God lives, and that on Friday he welcomed home some of his children and took them his arms. I know without a doubt that his angels are watching over the families, of these beautiful people, and that he sent them feelings of comfort and peace.
I hope that this event will make us all reexamine our lives, and think about the things and the people in our lives that are important to us. I hope that this won't be one of those things that we forget after a month and go back to the way things were. Let us tell our friends and family what they mean to us, and help our neighbor a little more. let us be patient with the cashier when we've had a bad day. I hope that we might all be a little bit more observant and find little ways that we can help strangers we come in contact with; let us look outside ourselves, and find ways to make the world a better place to live, not only for us, but for the generations that will inhabit this world when we are gone.
This is my prayer, and my plan of how to honor those who had their lives taken from them much too early.
I have cried at least once a day since Friday. I have never been more saddened by an event than I have by the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting; and no amount of funny movies have been able to get my mind off of it. Even though this is one of those things that I have no control over, I can't help but think about the pain and anguish that the town of Newtown Connecticut is experiencing right now.
I think that when something like this happens, we examine our lives, at least I do. I think about how selfish I am, like how I've been thinking about how much I dislike Christmas, and how my life isn't going exactly how I planned, and how at this point in my life I thought that I would be married, maybe have 1 or 2 kiddos waddling around. there are 20 kids who were killed at the most innocent stage of their lives. they don't get to open their Christmas presents waiting under the tree. they don't get to learn how to drive a car, experience high school or college, or have a family of their own. There are 6 women, who left children, husbands, parents, and friends. they were in the career they loved, and they risked their lives, so that their students would have the opportunity to live and experience the things they already had.
The only thing I'm worrying about right now is how I can make sure that the deaths of these 26 people won't be in vain. What can I do to be a better person and make a contribution in the world. I'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I'm not worried, about the things that seem so small and insignificant right now.
I take comfort in the fact that I know that God lives, and that on Friday he welcomed home some of his children and took them his arms. I know without a doubt that his angels are watching over the families, of these beautiful people, and that he sent them feelings of comfort and peace.
I hope that this event will make us all reexamine our lives, and think about the things and the people in our lives that are important to us. I hope that this won't be one of those things that we forget after a month and go back to the way things were. Let us tell our friends and family what they mean to us, and help our neighbor a little more. let us be patient with the cashier when we've had a bad day. I hope that we might all be a little bit more observant and find little ways that we can help strangers we come in contact with; let us look outside ourselves, and find ways to make the world a better place to live, not only for us, but for the generations that will inhabit this world when we are gone.
This is my prayer, and my plan of how to honor those who had their lives taken from them much too early.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
short and sweet...Like me when I eat a lot of sugar
Well Kids, I know it's been awhile so I thought that I should throw the dogs a bone.
I got my shoulder scoped! everything went well, recovery is moving along speedily, and optimal sleep is being achieved..WOOT.
I've been in a weird mood for the last week, and I'm not really sure what I'm feeling, but I feel like I need to change a few things in my life, and you know what they say..there's no time like the present. Getting healthier is one of those things, figuring out what to do with my life is another. Focusing on the positive relationships in my life is yet another. I have a very tight network of people who have been there for me these last few months. My family being one of them. I look at other families, and realize how incredibly lucky I am to have such a close relationship with all of my siblings and Awesome supportive parents who go with the flow.
I don't know what I would do without my friends. I'm grateful that I've been able to reconnect with friends from high school and college, and that I've been able to stay connected with my kindred spirit even if we live 2000 miles apart:)
Enjoy the poem. this is one I wrote tonight. a product of residual feelings
Stay classy
I got my shoulder scoped! everything went well, recovery is moving along speedily, and optimal sleep is being achieved..WOOT.
I've been in a weird mood for the last week, and I'm not really sure what I'm feeling, but I feel like I need to change a few things in my life, and you know what they say..there's no time like the present. Getting healthier is one of those things, figuring out what to do with my life is another. Focusing on the positive relationships in my life is yet another. I have a very tight network of people who have been there for me these last few months. My family being one of them. I look at other families, and realize how incredibly lucky I am to have such a close relationship with all of my siblings and Awesome supportive parents who go with the flow.
I don't know what I would do without my friends. I'm grateful that I've been able to reconnect with friends from high school and college, and that I've been able to stay connected with my kindred spirit even if we live 2000 miles apart:)
Enjoy the poem. this is one I wrote tonight. a product of residual feelings
Stay classy
FLEE
I don’t miss you
anymore
The aching has found
an end
Even though I thought
we would always be
Friends
The only thoughts
left are sadness, and occasional anger
Sadness, because you
will never fully know what you lost
Anger, because I
think of wasted time, and energy spent obsessing and caring
Obsessing about
whether or not you would ever talk to me
Caring about what you
thought, and whether you would call or text me
I wouldn’t be the
same without meeting you, and I’m grateful for the time we spent as friends,
but I owe it to myself to call an end an end.
Because that’s what
we do when we get older and mature
We put away the
childish things and move far away from the things that have potential to cause
us harm.
We flee from the
darkness, in search of the light
We leave the critics
and join the supporters of our plight
Enjoy your new life
Enjoy your new
friends
I’ll enjoy my new
beginnings
And the ends of the
end
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