Last week I started doing Zumba at my gym, for anyone who doesn't know what Zumba is, I will tell you; it's basically a mix between latin dancing and aerobics. It's a good work out, and I've had a lot of fun so far, but I have made a sad discovery... I am a panda bear.
If you know anything about Latin dancing you know that it is very sexy. You have to be comfortable with your body, and (heat) so to speak, that you put off with your sexy dancing. In Zumba there is a lot of hip shaking, booty bouncing, and chest flaunting going on. To make matters worse, there is a mirror that I can see myself in while dancing, so I can see exactly how un-sexy I am.
B.J. Novak talks about Pandas being an endangered species, not because of anything humans are doing, because let's face it...Pandas are freaking adorable, there is even a lab in China that cooks up little Pandas in petri dishes, but I digress... The reason Pandas are going extinct is because they won't mate with each other. apparently they don't see their own species as attractive, and I have never heard of a panda mating dance, so lets face it, if they don't have their looks to get them by, they're kind of screwed.
For this reason, I am a Panda. People think that I am adorable, and cute, and oh so cuddly, all true things, but let's face it, nobody wants their potential spouse just because of their cute, cuddly exterior. In any relationship there has to be a certain degree of heat, and sexuality, and if Zumba is any indication...I am bound to roam the earth alone, like my friend the Panda bear.
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