The end is the end, the beginning the beginning. goodbye to the end and cheers to new beginnings.

  Why do things happen when they do? what makes the timing so perfect for events to transpire?
I don't understand the ways of God, and I don't want to. He's in charge and that is fine by me; but I have this picture in my head of him up in Heaven with about 10 billion stopwatches yelling " Go, Go, Go" about every 2 seconds, and there's a line of angels waiting for their turn with parachutes on jumping out of the clouds one right after the next. What moment or string of moments precede feelings of peace, or great AHA moments?
   not to go all biblical on you, but I think that this will help make my point. One of my favorite stories is of Moses. Moses talks to God face to face, and is shown All of God's creations and all the inhabitants of the world. After God leaves, Moses is left in a weakened state, for an amount of time, that I assume to be hours. He is so weak because he has just beheld the glory of God  (Moses 1, Pearl of Great Price) . After a certain amount of time, Satan appears to Moses and tells Moses to worship him. Long story short, Moses is able to banish Satan because he has just beheld the awesomeness of God and was left so weak that he had to lay low for awhile, but could look upon Satan just as he would another man, and tell him to hit the road. Without that contrast between light and dark, who knows what would have happened. The story is a lot more cool when read in scriptural form, so you should check it out if you want.
   my point is this.. nothing that ever happens in our life is simple. it may feel like that because grass is always easier to walk on after you've trudged a mile up to your calves in crap. Just before we hit our breaking point, more times than not, we find the solution to our problem, and it feels like we should have realized it all along; but without experiencing everything else, we wouldn't have realized the solution or been able to appreciate it if we would have had it earlier.
For the past 3 months, I have been fighting the inevitability of an ending. I realize now that it was meant to end all along, but for whatever reason, I couldn't or didn't want to see it. Even when I thought that I was okay with it, I would be okay for a few days and then start back at the beginning. For the first time in a while, I can say that I am okay with an ending and looking forward to a beginning.
   I know that my last couple posts have been about the same subject, but I feel confident that this will be the last one. I no longer feel angry, betrayed or hurt. I feel hopeful looking towards the future, and optimistic for new beginnings.
Stay Class my well rested friends

 

Free

My past is filled with memories of you, and times I won’t forget

Like the time we had the janky barbeque and filled it with briquettes

So naturally when I thought about the future you were always there

Planning my bachelorette party, and putting the veil in my hair.

We’d talk about our lives, and the things we wanted to do

I learned a lot about my religious convictions because of you

When we’re living in the moment all things are perfect and serene

But just like the movies even the most intense ones have an end scene

When good things end, we feel empty because it reality has hit

Like that movie that ended badly, in your stomach, there’s a pit.

But hours progress and life goes on

And before you know it the feeling is gone

I used to see you in my future because you were a big part of my past

I guess I should have reminded myself that good things never last

For so long I told myself our friendship could endure

Because we were both willing to fight and make it work

I just kept thinking, and holding on to what was there before

I drove myself crazy thinking what had gone wrong

How could something end that weathered so much and lasted so long

But then something hit me like a giant ball of light

I’ll make it okay without you…Ahh now I can sleep through the night

Like the movie that left me feeling empty, that feeling is finally gone

Optimism has taken over and the weight of reality has finally won

The reality being, that I will be fine

I started my life without you and it will continue to move on down the line

The future is unclear, my wedding unplanned

But when that day comes, I know I’ll have someone to lend a hand

To put the veil in my hair, someone who will be there

But for now I feel free, imprisoned no more

Now I don’t even know what I put walls up for

Moving on now, is what I plan to do

I hope that I haven’t made moving on any harder for you.

We’ll both live our lives as happy as we were in the beginning

What I used to think as the bottom of the ninth

I now see as a new inning.