Screaming in a room full of people...Nothin

Do you ever feel like, the one person you want attention from the most, is unavailable? Either emotionally or separated by distance, they are nowhere to be found? No matter how much you say, how angry you get, no matter what you do to get their attention you get bupkiss.
And the worst part is, at one point, they were the best communicators in the world. they were there for you, they listen to all of your stories, you listened to the things that caused them pain, you offered them comfort, and a haven from the rain, and then one day...poof. Okay, maybe it doesn't happen that suddenly, but little things become to happen more frequently, and then eventually...poof.
    Ha! so you have probably guessed that this post is a bit of a serious one. When something weighs on your mind enough, it has to find a way out, or your brain will explode, and no one wants to clean up that mess. Trust me, Brain matter would not be an easy clean.
  This is my outlet, my way of escape. I've realized how important finding resolution, and getting closure from a situation can be. Getting closure is a the worlds way of giving you permission to move on to the next chapter of your life. The only thing is, when it comes to chapters in your life that involve other people; closure involves a conversation, or at least you talking, and the other person listening. In my case, neither has been able to happen; despite my best effort, I am an open wound in search of band-aid the size of Texas.
  So what do I do? I write of course. The 2 poems I have tonight, are about the very situation of which I have spoke. The first was written tonight, and the other was written in the summer time...Enjoy
 Happy labor day, and as always

Stay classy my non sleep deprived friends
(I apologize for the cuss word in the second poem, but I feel like changing would take away from the feeling I was trying to convey and the emotion that was being felt at the time. It's not meant to offend anyone)

Invisible

Why does loving someone bring so much pain?

Why does joy of companionship come packaged with inevitable strain?

What in our hearts or minds craves the validation from another?

A person outside our immediate circle, someone different from our mother?

Without knowing it we accept the consequences when we receive the reward

No days of happiness, laughter, and late night talks by the fire

Can make up for the tears shed, sleepless nights, and time wasted thinking

What went wrong, why it went awry?

What made the other person simply pass you by?

It’s an unwritten law in the invisible code of friends

Shotgun for life, free counseling sessions, no food is off limits,

2 am is always an acceptable time to talk, adventures are best done with 2 people, always take each others side in a breakup

Sometimes you just need to let them see you cry,

when someone says they need to talk.. you listen.

When does the code cease to be?  A text impossible to answer

When do things become more important than people?

When did I become invisible? Does it make it easier not to feel guilty if I don’t exist?

You were a priority, the code I never broke. What did I do?

Why have we never spoke? I’m sorry I’m not important, I didn’t make it on your priority list, between school, work, and old friends, the cut I must have missed.

Now I’m left here hurting, not willing to give up,

7 years spent in the land of Friendom, I’m not ready to leave.

But it’s hard to live in a place where no one knows you exist.

So I’ll pack up my boxes, leaving only dust behind

But know that I didn’t leave willingly,

You evicted me.

The Lonely Fighter

Without a care, without a call, the train's moved on, no warning at all.

but still the wait continues on,

the Hope of change endures the long and winding road of loneliness.

Fault is placed on the one left at the door and the thoughts begin. What could have been done, should there have been more.

More patience more time, more tough love talks?

Would anything have changed would anyone have given a fuck?

An ounce of care, a strain of grief, the selfishness goes beyond belief.

A cry reaches into the night, a plea for someone to care,

a begging for someone to hold to the promise of saying they'll be there.

 The towel hangs in the grip the mallet close to the bell. The end feels near, the heart starts to swell, with longing and regret for the one who doesn't understand, the simplest things they could have done to lift a drooping hand. The feelings bitter, the thoughts turn sour, the clock strikes on the hour. The towel hits the canvas inside of the ring, the mallet is lifted back and takes it's final swing. The fight is over, the fight is done,

yet, only one fighter knows that it has even began.