the bouncer

My parents house is overrun by two things: animals, and small children. We have 2 cats, 3 dogs, 6 grandchildren, and an adopted grandchild my mom has tended every weekday since she was 6 weeks old. For these reasons we have gates put up throughout the house. these gates serve a number of purposes. 1)They keep the babies away from the stairs. Nobody wants a kid with a cracked skull, and as funny as it is to watch the stick figure baby fall down the stairs on youtube, it isn't real life..this is.
2) keeps the animals out of certain parts of the house. This second one isn't all that useful. the cats can jump over the gates and my mom's 3 lb. miniature Maltese can squeeze through the side of the gate.
3) make my life miserable! this purpose is served very well. if the door is open just a little bit, then my dog can push it open the rest of the way with his head; but if it is shut, he just stands there and barks until I open the gate for him. For this reason I feel like a bouncer at a night club. I have the power to grant or deny access. I could leave him on the other side of the gate, and go about my tasks in peace. Just kidding, he would just bark until I let him through, or stare me down with those sad, "my former owner abandoned me" eyes, and I just can't handle those eyes. So I breakdown every time and leave my comfy armchair to grant him entrance to my bedroom. It's times like these that I wish my dog had apposable thumbs, or a stronger head so that he could push his way through the gate.

Stay classy my well rested friends

Opposable thumbs

This is what separates us from other animals

Sure we can talk, drive cars, and go to McDonalds to get big bums

But nothing compares to opposable thumbs

It puts us in a class all of our own

With one movement we can flag down a car

Or show disapproval.

When combined with a sticking out of the tongue

We communicate disgust to others

Think of how impressive it would be if dogs could give thumbs up to their mothers

Imagine, dogs, gerbils or cats trying to do menial tasks

Holding a fork?

No way!

 Stirring some soup?

Forget about it!

But it would be funny to watch them try.

 We never know how important thumbs are,

 but what if one day, your thumb just up and died?