The Loudest Noises happen in the silence.

    One of the great things about insomnia is that it grants you alone time. If you are the kind of person who enjoys being alone then insomnia would be your cup of tea; unless of course you are like me, and don't like the dark, and the noises that happen when everything is quiet.
    In my freshman biology class we learned that our brains create the noises we hear at night..most of the time. So when we hear that creepy kid's voice behind us, it is really in our head.
   There's another problem: I currently live in a house with my parents, my niece and nephew, 3 dogs, and 2 cats. and the house is over 50 years old with creaky wooden floors. So a time that used to be peaceful, a time when I could sit on my couch, eat cereal and watch Netflix, has now become 9 hours of torture. Walking to the kitchen to get a drink of water, or some late night nosh has now become a stealthy secret mission. In the words of my mother I walk like "a baby elephant" so being stealthy is kind of hard.
  So imagine if you will; me, sitting on my bed, planning just how I am going to navigate the gauntlet of creaking floors, and the many strategically placed nicknacks. it's like a game of mine sweeper, but instead of a little picture of a bomb blowing up, I set off the bark alarm. My dog Vincent leads the chorus, and the other two yipper yappers chime in with their two sense....So getting a drink of water ends up being a 20 minute process.
   Now I know you are probably thinking, "why would someone want to have insomnia". Well my dear friends, I don't have insomnia for insomnia's sake, My insomnia is what I would call pain induced.
Ever since my shoulder surgery in April, my arm goes numb when I close my eyes to sleep. Even if I am exhausted, the minute I lay down, I am in pain, and my right arm goes numb; starting in my finger tips and working its way up to my shoulder. It is the most pleasant feeling in the world. (I hope you heard the sarcasm in that). Sometimes to help the pain, I like to take a shower, or sit in the bathtub for a while. You thought that getting a drink of water was a task....HAHAHA. Getting in the shower is a TERRIFYING experience! Not only does your mind make up noises, every noise you do make sounds like dropping pots and pans onto a tile floor, while standing on a fifteen foot ladder. Baby elephants aren't very graceful anyway, but put them in a tiny bathtub, and you have yourself a show! Not only am I trying to turn the water on quietly, but I am also turning the water off every minute, because my brain is telling me that someone is calling my name from the other side of the house, or there's a creepy ghost kid who wants me to come out and play.
    That my friends, is my night in a nutshell.
      Another added perk of insomnia, is poetry. I know this might sound odd, but while working in a leadership camp this summer, I had a tendency to get bored at night. I didn't have the luxury of living in a house full of people, instead, I lived in a cabin with 6 other people. to avoid my roommates wanting to kill me, I stayed in my bed. Laying in bed, wide awake, for 8 hours is bbbbooooorrrrinnngg. So to occupy my brain, I would write poems on my phone. Most of them unhappy, and filled with suppressed feelings of hurt and anger, and others filled with that witty sarcasm that all those who know and love me are so very acquainted with.
   And so my dear readers, please accept my apology for this post being so lengthy, but I had to make sure that you knew from whence the title of this blog came, and also the reason for it. I hope you enjoy the poem, i composed this very morning, and until we meet again...

          Stay Classy My Well Rested Friends
 

Stupid-face Shoulder

Why can’t I make you go away, why won’t you ever leave

Everywhere you go you cause pain, like when you’re put in a sleeve

You’re dormant during day and reign in terror during night

If I thought it would solve anything, I’d put up one hell of a fight

But I can never get rid of you, always there when I turn around

You make a lot of noise without making a sound

We used to be brawling buddies; you’d help me stick it to the man

But now I’m stuck lifting two pounders, and maybe the occasional soup can

We were both damaged, left crippled but I’m the one trying to move on,

That would be a lot simpler if only you were gone.

An axe, a chainsaw, any sharp power tool would suffice

But then what would I do with the rest of my life

Phantom limb, would suck, but I could slap people with the stump

But now I just need to get over the hump.  I want answers, I want relief

One little collision that caused so much grief

For now I’ll deal with you, drag you around like a limp noodle

A useless appliance, a nonworking appendage

But soon I will find a way to get my revenge